Despite the fact you are the reason of my depression

or that I tend to your every need and you tend none of mine

or that you don't seem to consider my feelings and I always think of you first

or that you never know so you respond "i dunno" to all my questions

or that you make me feel ugly on the inside

or that you don't really have me as any of your priorities and you are my first

or that i dedicate 100% of my life to you and you dedicate 0.001% of yours to me

or that i always make sure i have time for you and you make time for me when your free

or that all that matters is that you are happy and not I 

or that you lead me on and/or i just fall for your every move

or that everything I do pisses you of and I can't be mad at you

or that I have to wait forever for you and you can't wait one second for me

or that you expect me to be ok with all this and smile

or that I am not anything significant to you and you mean the world to me

or that I need you and you don't care for me much

DESPITE ALL THAT. I STILL LOVE YOU.

call me crazy but I think that I'm just dedicated to the one I love

or I'm just sprung. which ever one you

still don't see it and you still will never come back to me.

but I'll keep my chin up and just wait.

long time no blog =|

ok um. have you ever felt as if you're life wasn't getting anywhere. like there's no point anymore. and you're so use to how things are you're numb to the hurtful? cus that's how I feel and its gay. my days don't get better. and its Christmas time and things aren't the same.

I think I'm getting paranoid with the thought of being alone. I think I'm going crazy. and I know I'm not ok. but I can take it. I'm a tough cookie. ergh so now I don't know what to do. but whatever ill figure it out.

oh yeah. merry Christmas guys. and happy new year.

and you happy chim I finally updated!

getting a pet.

option one: a new puppy...many risk....but sorta housebroken but no discipline required. super cute.

option two: a older pet...not that many risk. housebroken but needs A LOT discipline. also super cute.

option three: nothing. pets are gay. and you need to focus on school

what should I get????

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
that it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to try and never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.

School=my depression. I really hate school. My day always starts pretty good then I go to school. I hear certain things. I see certain people. People change how they are then at home. Things are weird. Teachers are gay. Tension grows. Rumors spread. But my friends are there and my future depends on it. So I guess I have to go. haha. So my computer broke. Guess where at? Yup at school. I brought it to work on Letterette music. But its okie dokie cus then they gave me a replacement computer while they fix it. Ü and its super nice. Homecoming is coming haha. i guess im going stag. Things are still the same. And I still cry. but I'm a TOUGH COOKIE. I'll heal.

Some times I wish I could go back and time and take back what I've done. but I can't and its going to be hard for me to accept my consequences. But Its all part of the process.